One Final Gift

My journey of surrogacy is still amazing when I think about it..there is this quote that I love
 when I think about my journey it truly sums up my feelings in regards to it.

"Life isn't about the number of breaths you take, it's the moments that take your breath away."

Such a great way to say how I still feel when I think about the gift I gave my IP's. I have been blessed to see the joy and bliss they have been experiencing with baby H and it is amazing...they are so in love and so happy...and I made that happen.

 I got to hold him  yesterday and it was so amazing..he is such a bundle of joy and love. He was full of smiles and light. What a sweet little boy they have been blessed with! 

Over the past three months I have had the privileged and honor of  pumping my breast milk for Harrison. I felt like it was one last gift I could share with him. And I am so glad I did it. It was a lot of work..I was pumping every 3 hours so it cut into our daily life a lot..but it felt amazing to share that one last connection with him...to be able to provide him the best nutrition for his start in life meant a lot to me, and was worth all those long pumping sessions! 

I want to thank you all for sharing in this amazing journey...it was breath taking, tearful, and full of joy. And I was so blessed to share it all with you.

My VBAC surrogacy birth story...

On monday June 11th (41weeks and 3days)  I went to my girl friends baby shower which was funnily labeled "POP"...as we were sitting down to eat dinner, I felt two small gushes.. Thought very little of it...then "POP"...I was soaked...yup my water totally broke!! I quickly finished eating my dinner then ducked out quickly..looking like I peed my pants!!

The next day ( June 12th) I saw the midwives to confirm my water had broken and have my blood drawn to keep an eye on baby and me for infection. Then went out with my IP's for lunch and a visit to reassure them, me and baby were doing fine.. The midwives gave us a time line of 72 hours before my induction would have to take place..so we were just waiting for things to happen..or at 8pm on Thursday we'd have to evict baby!!

That night around 4pm my contractions started picking up..I called my doula who came and took care of me..everything was going great and moving well around 9pm I decided it was time for a nap..and actually feel asleep til 2am (June 13th)... Then I woke up in sheer pain!! Off to the hospital.. When we got there, there was so much crazy'ness happening..the midwives checked me and I was 4-5cm and 100% effaced.. I wanted to leave right away...just wanted to be home for longer..then the blood lab came in and poked me 4x's and couldn't get anything..last try he got it! The midwives were then checking me constantly and I started to really panic. Labour stopped. I begged the midwives to send me home. Luckily they did. My blood levels were still coming back good..so I went home and spent the whole day being weepy and being disappointed in my body... I was so worried about having an induction the next evening. 

James and I went to bed at 6pm on June 13th as I was so emotionally exhausted and needed to rest..but baby decided it was TIME! James stayed home with me as I knew my poor doula was exhausted from taking care of me...  At 1am there was no way around it..I had to call the doula..once my doula got there I knew this was IT.  We decided to call the midwife and get her to come check me before we went up to the hospital..I was 6cm when she checked me.. I got a little upset about that..but my doula and midwife assured me it was GREAT! At 4am (June 14th) we headed off to the hospital..I was in a much better space this time.. And really looking forward to getting the show on the road! The bath at the hospital was my best friend!! And luckily this time my labour didn't stall!! 

Within a hour or so of being at hospital the midwives came in and gave me the bad news..my white blood cell count came back High..which meant IV antibiotics..and EFM (electronic fetal monitoring)..urgh... I started to panic as those are all things I didn't want..my doula calmed me down (again!) the EFM would not stay on well as I wanted to be walking, squatting and moving.. So we decided to do a internal fetal monitoring on baby and I am so glad we did!! The OB came in to put it on baby and I was fully dilated..which means..come on pushing!! The IP's finally got there!!

Pushing at first was slow..and I thought I'd feel a head right away..nope.. I was wrong lol..the midwife suggested she check me around 9am to see the baby's head- I got on the bed and gave a little push and could feel the top of the head!! Was that ever encouraging!! The midwives rolled the mirror in and that was even more encouraging..the IP's each touched the babies head as I was pushing and IM started bawling (which was so beautiful to watch).. They were both so over joyed and amazed to be watching their baby being pushed into the world!! IM held my leg up while I pushed with all my might and kept bawling and encouraging me to push..it was such an amazing moment!! At around 11:10am the internal monitor fell off the babies head while I was pushing.. And we couldn't find his heart beat..so the midwife had to do an episiotomy (ouch!! No drugs at all!! That was intense!!) then he started to come down fast and quick.. The midwife called out "call the OB!" as he wasn't coming fast enough.. Which gave me the extra push to push.."cancel that"...he slid out..Ahhhh relief!! 

My IP's were both so excited..and the looks on their faces was beyond amazing!! The baby was plopped on my chest and I asked IM what it was.. Thru tearful joy she announced "IT'S A BOY!!!"

The NICU team took him right away because of the dip in his Heart rate and the infection I was carrying. Both the mom and dad came over and hugged me and thanked me. Dad said "I can't believe you did that- that was so so amazing!!" oh man..what an amazing thing to apart of.. 

The next few hours flew by..I had to stay because of the infection to get More IV antibiotics.. Which was a downer as I wanted to be home..but it worked out nicely as I got to sneak in a few cuddles with Surro baby!! 

When I went down to the NICU to officially go get my snuggles, it was another amazing moment..mom and dad were both so elated and over joyed! Mom told me it was the BEST gift anyone could ever give her...the joy and love I felt was just so amazing!! And I am so pleased and honored to have done this. 

The joy I felt from having a successful VBAC was so amazing too!! I did it..I pushed a baby out!! I spent 9 months planning, seeing a chiropractor and attending birthing classes..I'm so happy it went so so well!!

Welcome to the world Surro baby!! You have amazing parents and I love you so much!!

..Harrison Brock at 11:17am on Thursday June 14th. 8lbs 14oz 23" born at 41weeks and 6days..

still pregnant!!

So two rounds of acupuncture and two stretch and sweeps...and guess what!??! We are STILL pregnant!! :) It's soooo funny because my IP's kept telling me to wait til June 2nd...they just weren't ready til then..but now that we are "over" due the pressure is 'ON'! I've got a very impatient Mommy and Daddy awaiting to meet this sweet miracle..which s/he has decided they truly would like just a *little* bit more time...I'm actually feeling REALLY good especially for being 8 days past our due date..very little swelling and in good spirits! Hoping baby decides soon when their birthday is...I am really looking forward to the end where I get to see my IP's with their miracle baby!! We see the midwife again on Tuesday which will be followed by a NST test and possibly an ultrasound and OB visit...*fingers crossed* all goes well and baby is allowed to bake as long as they need to!!  Send me all your birthy vibes people!!

Full circle...

39 weeks and some odd days....we are 4 days away from our due date..June 1st is this Friday!! My IP's are getting REALLY excited..I get a text message every morning asking how I am feeling today..its so cute! I'm starting to feel really pregnant now..the baby is defiantly engaged and hanging out til the big day..I got that pregnant waddle kicking to prove it!!

I have an acupuncture appointment tomorrow morning, where my chiropractors tells me most women have 2 sessions and then go into labour...so we'll see if he's right or not?! It's funny how we used acupuncture to get pregnant and now we are using it to get un-pregnant!!

Can't wait to be sharing my labour story with all of you soon! Only a few more hours..days or weeks til we meet sweet surro baby!!

Mother's Day

As mother's day is approaching, I take the time to reflect on exactly what I am doing on this journey. Its amazing really..I am giving 'B' a life of mother's days...a life of hand made cards and gifts...a life of boogery kisses...of late night cuddles...of I love yous...of temper tantrums... and of pure joy... 

So many of us take for granted being able to be a mom...'B' has been waiting for 16+ years to be a mom..and this year she gets to do just that...celebrate the fact that she is indeed a mom.

My "due" date is quickly approaching and I am so thankful to have taken this journey. It is bitter sweet that the ending is near..I am so happy to be giving them the family they have been waiting for, for oh so long..but I will be sad to see them go. They have become a big part of my life in the last 2 years of trying and baby making and I will truly miss them. But I am so thankful to have given them a family.

Happy Mother's Day B!! Love you and I am honored to be carrying your dreams within me!!

Almost 31 weeks...

It's really amazing to think that we could have this baby in as little as 6 weeks...prob not ganna happen that soon...but you never know!! WOW...That puts a shock to the system!!

We had our social work appointment today..which was VERY hard in itself to get to begin with. Three weeks ago I called the hospital requesting a appointment and was met with much resistance as she had no idea why I would be calling to talk to a social worker.

Basically the job of a social worker would be to make sure we have no bumps in the road once baby is born...meaning IP's get their own room and get to make ALL medical decisions about the baby right after birth. If we didn't have the appt we would be making all these arrangements thru contractions..haha...no thanks!! So luckily the head RN at our local hospital had just dealt with a Surro birth two weeks ago..so she was a pro at the whole surrogacy business! It was great! We did find out that baby will have my last name on its hospital bracelet and so will IP's..which I thought was crazy...and apparently all documents will have my last name on them too...so that will all be changed in the coming months after sweet surro-babes birth!!

After our visit with the social worker we headed over to the midwives..I always enjoy a good chat with our midwives..they are lovely team and I am really enjoying planning our birth with them.

Baby was measuring at 34 weeks this week (I'm 31) ..which I think she didn't measure right as two weeks ago I was 28...and haven't gained anything nor do I feel "THAT" much bigger..she wasn't concerned..but it is what it is...Baby's heart rate was in the 130's...have no idea what I think it is anymore...blood pressure is a-ok as always and I don't have the dreaded gestational diabetes.. THANK GOD!!!!

IM and I finally got to talking about my breast milk post birth and I told her I was pumping for 3 months...(personal goal for me..for health reasons!) and IM asked if they could use it for sweet surro babe!! "YES YOU CAN!!" Made me so happy to know that the baby would be getting the milk that it spent 9 months helping me make!! IM is planning to induce lactation...so hopefully with my BM and IM's BM babe will be 100% Breastfed!

Can't wait for this little one to make his/her appearance..I am so looking forward to the moment that the IP's get to "relax" and enjoy their sweet bundle that they have been wanting and waiting for, for so long!! Makes my heart melt at the thought of it!

22 week ultarsound

22 Weeks!! Wow...This pregnancy is really flying by...The IP's were absolutely shocked at the size of the baby..there was a picture at the end of the bed where we were getting the ultrasound done with a "to size" 24 week baby and they couldn't believe little bean...or not so little was SO BIG already!! I looked it up and the baby is about the size of an eggplant!!

2 more weeks til the baby is viable!! Which HELLO AWESOME milestone!! We found out the baby is laying transverse (<----->)..but from what I have heard from other mama's this is really common in subsequent pregnancies..so little z...I'm just telling you this now...you better be head down by D day!

Birthing classes are going wonderfully...and I feeling really encouraged about having my planned VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section). Although I am quite nervous about birthing in the hospital and really wish I could have a HVBAC...(home vaginal birth after c-section)...but I have an amazing support system and it's all ganna work out to be amazing!!

6 more weeks left in the 2nd trimester! Keep growing little z!!!

Any guesses on BOY or GIRL???